HOLDING ON, LETTING GO

At the beginning of November, I wrote this in my journal:

"When we first bought this place several years ago, we were quite anxious to experience a Hill Country Christmas. Lex had moved off to California and only had a few days off, so we didn't even try to get her up to Dallas for our traditional get-together with my side of the family. Instead, John, Austin and I drove up there a week early to see everyone. We were then able to spend Christmas in our snug little house here, just the four of us. It was a much quieter holiday than we were accustomed to, but still, a lot of fun to explore what this area had to offer, and establish some new traditions.

We've done that three years in a row now, and though it's great to be here, we sometimes miss the chaos of a multi-generational family celebration. Since Lex's office now shuts down for a full week at Christmas, we are going to shake things up a bit this year. Lex is flying to Dallas a couple of days early to spend time with old high school friends. We will meet her there to spend Christmas with my family, then drive back to Wimberley for a few days before she flies out and Austin takes off for a camping trip in Big Bend.

I'm sure it will be a lot of fun, but it will certainly be different from recent years, and it brings up a lot of questions. If the kids won't even see this house until after Christmas, and John might only be here one weekend between Thanksgiving and Christmas, do I really want to haul out, set up, and decorate the big tree, just for myself? I think I might be just as happy with some garland and twinkle lights on the porch rail, my funky raku nativity set on the sofa table, an amaryllis blooming in the dining room, a Christmas candle or fresh rosemary scenting the house, and wrapped packages stacked on the hearth. With all this extra alone time, I could spend my days in front of the sewing machine, listening to my favorite Christmas music and actually making some gifts , instead of in front of the computer, ordering them. Yep, I think I could be quite content with this simple, scaled down version of Christmas."

And on 11/14:

"Got all the Christmas gifts cut out yesterday, except for the canvas interlining and fusible interfacing. Ran out of those, so will have to make another run to San Marcos. Whew! I never suspected that something so simple could have so many layers and pieces. It took me most of the day just to cut them out, and my back was killing me before it was over with! I had forgotten what it was like to stand hunched over a cutting table for hours on end. Wish I could post pictures of what I'm making, but most every recipient reads the blog, and I don't want to spoil the surprise!"

"Just found out I'm having unexpected visitors this weekend - lovely friends that I'm really looking forward to seeing. Only problem is, I've wrecked the house with my projects, and with wrapping all the goodies I bought for the kids we "adopted" this Christmas, and which need to be delivered to Paula right away. I did go to the laundromat to wash clothes and pre-shrink all the fabric for my projects, but I didn't do any sheets or towels, and I haven't done any house-cleaning in two weeks. NOT ANY!! Guess I'd better figure out the bare minimum I can do, to keep the house from looking disgusting when they arrive. Criminy!"

And on 12/2:

"I'm wondering whether to get the sewing machine back out right now, to finish up my gifts, or should I spend the day doing my simplified Christmas decorating? After the craziness of Thanksgiving, and spending yesterday just trying to clear a path through the house, I'm feeling the need for a day of nesting. I think sewing is gonna have to wait a few days. Knowing me, if I don't get a bit of Christmas cheer spread around this house before I leave for Houston on Wednesday, I'll probably start thinking 'Crap. December is almost half over, we aren't going to spend Christmas here, and the kids won't even see the house until after Christmas. Why bother?' Well, I guess I need to bother just for me. Because I love it, and it's important to me. But it better get done soon, or I might change my mind!

It's funny how each person is so different about family celebrations. My SIL is adamant that the tree can't go up until after 12/17, but then she leaves it up forever. I always wanted to enjoy mine the entire month of December, but couldn't wait to get it down afterwards. My friend Paula has always disliked decorating her tree, and eventually switched to a trio of woodland-style trees with simple twinkle lights and no decor. I love decorating, when we do it as a family, but hate the fact that, more often than not, I have to coerce them into participating. The last few years have been a time for rethinking how we celebrate. I've been asking myself what is important, and what can I let go of?"

Finally, today:

"Good news, bad news! Lex's company finished up their work for the year before Thanksgiving, and doesn't have anything else lined up until January, so her boss has asked them all to take unpaid extended vacations. This is devastating to Alexis, financially. However, it has motivated her to come on to Texas on the 15th, and start testing the job market here. Also found out that John and Austin have decided to come in shortly after her, and are staying on through New Years (except for our two days in Dallas)! It just occurred to me that this is the first time in years that we will all be together for more than a week before Christmas, while all of the fun stuff is still going on. I must admit, I've been slipping into a funk about not having a tree, and about having so much alone time this season, and the kids were crushed when they thought we'd have to skip our traditional family excursion to the flagship Whole Foods store in Austin. Looks like now we might be able to do that plus a trip to the Austin Farmer's Market, a crazy movie at the Alamo Draughthouse, and a wonderful dinner at a funky Austin restaurant. On top of all that, Lex has been emailing me about wanting to do some Christmas baking with me, and about looking forward to seeing what all we can make from my Bountiful Sprout orders. Suddenly my gear shift has just ratcheted up into the giddy zone! Guess I'll be putting up a tree after all. I can do without sending Christmas cards, buying new outfits, hosting and attending a bunch of parties, and trying to outdo the neighbors. But some things are just too important to let go of. See ya!"

TO DO LIST: IN A STATE OF FLUX

COME HELL OR HIGH WATER

Know what I found in the mail just now? It's a check! Know who signed it? Pat Stone. Know who he is? He's the guy I've been collecting rejection letters from for about a year now, and the editor of a magazine called GreenPrints: The Weeder's Digest. I made up my mind that I wouldn't give up until he finally bought one of my stories, and I didn't. Guess that means I've finally reached the mysterious place known as "hell-or-high-water." Know what? I kind of like it here!

P.S. Many thanks to wikihow for the above image.

PUPPY WHIPPED

It is astounding how quickly a pet can take over/alter one's life. Take our son's dog Guinness, for instance. The minute she came into his life, he magically transformed from carefree college kid into responsible, loving parent. He is due to graduate in May, and has been attending job fairs and going on interviews. One reason he took a minor in German is that he has always loved traveling to foreign lands, and he hoped this might help him land a job that involved some time overseas. After we met Guinness and started falling in love with her, we began to tease about inheriting her some day, when he moves abroad. At first he just laughed at the idea, but not anymore! He's already eliminated several job prospects - jobs that he would have jumped at not long ago - simply because they involved too much time on the road, and what would he do with Guinness? When we reminded him that we would be happy to take over, he cried "No Way! She'd die of a broken heart if I left her!" She's not the only one, I suspect.

AND THE WINNER IS...

POLLY! See guys? I've been tellin' ya, it pays to comment often during a give-away! Polly, if you will just send your mailing address to becky (dot) lane (at) vownet (dot) net, I will get your goodies in the mail to you asap. I say "goodies" because, in addition to receiving a great book, Polly will be receiving some lovely soaps made by one of our local Bountiful Sprout producers!

Way back in '95 we were living in Midland, TX, and I had nabbed a sweet gig as a merchandiser for Recycled Paper Greetings. One store I called on every week was Hastings Records & Books. Prior to this, I was devoted to reading a steady stream of romance novels, and listened mostly to Top 40 hits. Fortunately, their music department manager had very eclectic tastes, and listening to whatever he was in the mood to play introduced me to a whole new world of music. Likewise with books. The information booth was directly behind me as I worked the card section, and I would eavesdrop on what people were asking about. When hundreds came in asking about one book in particular, I figured it was a must read, and that's how I discovered Simple Abundance, by Sarah Ban Breathnach.

Like many women of my generation, I was raised to be a people-pleaser. I became so caught up in keeping teachers, bosses, parents, siblings, husband, children, friends, church and community happy, I somehow lost track of what it was that made me happy. "Many women today feel a sadness we cannot name. Though we accomplish much of what we set out to do, we sense that something is missing in our lives and - fruitlessly - search 'out there' for the answers. What's often wrong is that we are disconnected from an authentic sense of self." - Emily Hancock

Simple Abundance shows those of us who miss the woman we were meant to be, how to reconcile our deepest spiritual, authentic and creative longings with often overwhelming and conflicting commitments. It teaches us that our daily life can be an expression of our authentic self - the soul made visible. It is made up of tiny, thought provoking essays, one for each day of the year. Ban Breathnach believes that the first step towards quenching our thirst for "the good life" that we think others lead, is to acknowledge the good that already exists in our own lives and practice gratitude. From there she leads us through learning the arts of simplicity, order, harmony, beauty and eventually, joy. You will learn to utilize some wonderful tools such as a gratitude journal, an illustrated discovery journal, and a daily dialogue notebook (a form of journaling that I continue to this day, and which spurred my desire to write).

My favorite parts of the book were the lists of "Joyful Simplicities" that she included at the end of each month - wonderful suggestions for ways to delight in the season and open up to simple joys - lists which I have returned to over and over again. Along the path to discovering the woman I was meant to be, I was introduced to a world of other authentic women: Julia Cameron, Laurie Colwin, MFK Fisher, Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Helen Nearing, Tasha Tudor, Isak Dinesen, Virginia Woolf, and many, many more. No longer would I be content to lose myself in silly stories of romance. Now I expect, demand, and get, much more than I ever dreamed possible.

If you have not ever read this book, you owe it to yourself to do it now. And if you have? Do it again. Congratulations Polly!

TICK TOCK, TICK TOCK

You're running out of time to enter this month's drawing. Leave a comment before midnight tonight, and I'll add your name to the pot.

MANY HANDS MAKE LIGHT WORK

In years to come, I shall have to refer to this as "the year I learned to delegate." I have always prepared most of our holiday meals on my own because our children were young, my husband dislikes cooking, and our guests had to travel in from afar. The good thing about this is being able to plan the menu to suit myself, and making things just the way I like them. The downside is that it can get a bit lonely in the kitchen, when everyone else is out in the other room yukking it up and having a good time. Everyone was always good about offering to help, but I may have had a bit of a control issue, for it sometimes made me kind of crazy to have a bunch of people elbowing for space in my tiny kitchen. I am getting over that.

This year I sent out e-mails ahead of time, asking each person who was coming to tell me what dishes were vitally important to their enjoyment of the holidays. My side of the family has always tended to try different recipes each year, so we never got too attached to one way of doing things. When I decided to try a Tex-Mex version of turkey and dressing, they were begging for the recipe. John's family is more traditional. I fixed the same thing for them the following year, and got a 30 minute lecture on how to properly smoke a turkey. I understand where they are coming from though, for I know many other people who feel it is just not Thanksgiving if they do not get their usual dressing, made just the way dear old Mom always did it.

So, when my e-mail replies came back saying "we really like our turkey smoked" and "I've always loved Priscilla's special dressing and giblet gravy" and "I love those special frozen rolls my wife always buys," I found myself thinking, "Well, why the heck not?" I put hubby and B-I-L in charge of smoking the turkey, S-I-L in charge of making her traditional dressing and gravy, nephew in charge of making a couple of his favorite vegetarian dishes, son in charge of assembling his hot curried fruit compote, and daughter and niece-in-law in charge of decorating and setting the table. They sent me their grocery lists so I could have the ingredients on hand, and all that was left for me to do was to make a couple of desserts in advance, and bake the rolls and mash the potatoes at the last minute. In between, I just got my butt out of their way, and joined the group in the other room that was yukking it up and having a good time. Why didn't I think of this years ago?

Oh yeah, in case you are wondering how the great turkey experiment turned out? Well, I think it's going to take the guys a couple of years to adjust to dealing with a smaller, leaner bird. If they had just slept in a couple of more hours, instead of getting up before dawn to start the smoker, the turkey might have ended up a tad juicier. The flavor, however, was excellent, and I might even be able to get a nice pair of shoes made out of the skin!