BEWARE THE EVIL SPARKLER

Well, we managed to pull him through yet another 4th of July celebration alive, 'tho not, alas, unscathed.

Reminds me of the time he won the chili cook-off in Indonesia with his infamous "Two Fingers Chili."

No, he didn't lose any fingers, but try using a keyboard with that on your hand!

Know what bothers him most? Not the pain, nor even the awkwardness. It's the fact that he managed to get second-degree burns from a gol-dang sparkler!