JOHN THE RAT KILLER (4/1/06)

My little truck has 120,000 miles on it now, and I guess it's about time to find a replacement. It hasn't actually given us any trouble, but it is making John a bit nervous, since I do so many road trips by myself. I've spent months trying to make up my mind about what to get next. First of all, it must be very fuel-efficient. Second, it needs to have a hatch-back, with seats that fold down, so it can hold several flats of plants. Third, it must be very reliable, and last but not least, it must put a smile on my face each time I see it. And the winner is....the Mini Cooper! Or at least, I thought it was, but now I'm not so sure. Apparently there is one thing I forgot to factor in. Deer!

This past Friday we were almost to Wimberley, right at dusk, when a deer bounded across the road, coming from the left. John happened to have his hand up, scratching his left eye, and didn't see it in time to stop. It bounced off our bumper with a sickening thud, and did a good bit of damage, but at least the truck was still drivable. We were both too terrified to look back and see what kind of damage we had done to the deer. John's eyes were full of tears as we drove away, and he hardly said a word the rest of the evening. Thank heavens it wasn't a fawn. I don't think he could have handled that.

When we were first married and living in Indonesia, I had an unfortunate run-in with a rat. We were getting ready for bed one evening, when suddenly we spotted one. John quickly pulled on his boots, for protection, and grabbed the only weapon he could find - a wooden tennis racket. He didn't catch it, but at least managed to chase it out of the bedroom and slam the door, so we could safely go to sleep - or so we thought. Sometime during the night, with no clue as to why, I sat bolt upright in bed. When John flipped on the light, we discovered that the tip of my finger was bleeding. I inched my head down over the side of the bed, and there were two glowing red eyes, staring back at me. John took me in to see the company medic the next day, which happened to be Christmas. He just gave me a tetanus shot and said "Aah, nothing to worry about", but I couldn't help wondering if I might turn up with rabies or the plague, somewhere down the road.

Now, fast forward a few months, and we have been transferred to Bahrain. We were sitting in the living room, watching TV, when suddenly something gray and furry streaked by, and darted behind a door. Not wanting a repeat of our previous incident, John grabbed a broom, and started pounding away at whatever was back there. When he finally stopped and pulled the door out, he discovered not a rat, but a mouse.....a tiny, cute, baby mouse. And it was not actually dead. It was hurt, and trembling. He scooped it up carefully in the dust pan and carried it outside, with tears sliding down his cheeks, then spent the following weeks feeling tormented by what had happened.

So, like I said - good thing it wasn't a baby deer. I couldn't help thinking that if we had been in his Miata, or in a Mini, when this happened, we could have been in a world of hurt. Now I'm having second thoughts about what car to buy. Do you think maybe we could get one of those big ol' metal deer guards installed on the front of a Mini?