I QUIT!

Over the years, my hubby has become quite adept at pushing my buttons and sending me on guilt trips. For instance, earlier this summer I got a lunch invitation from an old friend who was coming to town with a group of ladies. At first I accepted, but the more I thought about all I had on my plate that week, the more overwhelmed I felt. Finally I called back and said "Maybe next time." When I told John what I had done, I thought he'd be proud of my being assertive for once. Instead, he just looked at me with those sad, puppy dog eyes of his and said "At least you get lunch invitations!" I have always been a sucker for those puppy dog eyes so, of course, I felt really, really guilty. I kept thinking how tough it must be for him -- to be not only newly retired, but also living in a new place -- when he was so accustomed to eating lunch out with his coworkers almost every single day.

Just can't resist that puppy-dog-look!

That lasted about 24 hours.  I came to my senses when it finally occurred to me that, actually, he wasn't newly retired. He'd already been retired a year and a half by then. He wasn't exactly in a new place either, for we'd owned this house almost nine years at the time. I found myself asking if, in all that time, he had ever once picked up the phone and called up our architect friend, or any of the Muses' husbands, or his friend from Exxon-Mobil that had moved here, and invited them to lunch or coffee? No, he had not. Had he joined any local photography, gardening, or computer groups? Nyet! He drives over to U.T. a lot for classes that are held in huge lecture halls, and he really enjoys everything he's learning, but that's not going to solve his problem here in Wimberley, now is it? As I used to tell friends who wondered why I chose to go to such a huge school, "I like being anonymous in the classroom!"

I guess he's just sitting up here on his hillside, waiting for someone to knock on the door and ask him to come out and play. That, I suppose, could actually be my fault. Well, mine and his momma's. Theda was the uber-outgoing type, and she probably set up play dates, or pushed him out the door and forced him to join the kids in the street, all the time. Once we were married, I just took over the reins from her, ensuring that we always had people coming over on the weekends, or fun groups to hang out with. Plus, he really lucked out at work, meeting several super-gregarious guys over the years who enjoyed having such a good listener around, and were willing to make the first move.

Guess it's time he learned that, in the real world, making friends requires you to actually put yourself out there and make some overtures. You have to let yourself be vulnerable, and risk rebuff. I'm not sure if he's noticed yet, but I've retired from my job as match-maker and social secretary. I've got much better things to do with my time now, and the big brown puppy dog eyes just ain't gonna work no more!