IT AIN'T EASY

I was raised to be a people-pleaser, as are most females, I suspect. I have spent most of my life feeling like a juggler, struggling to keep all my balls in the air yet failing miserably, 'cause ya just can't keep everybody happy. No way. No how. You know you're a big girl when you finally figure out that you have a right to set your own priorities, learn to establish some boundaries, and at long last are able to say, "This is all I can do. I'm sorry if it makes you unhappy. Deal with it."

Of course, there is a flip-side to this coin. I have also noticed an alarming trend in some of the older women I know. It seems the more they repressed their own desires in the past, for the sake of their parents, siblings, husbands, children, bosses, community, etc., the more they seem to revel in their newfound independence when they become women of a certain age. In fact, they are so enamored with finally being able to make their own decisions and put their own needs first occasionally, that the pendulum begins to swing in the opposite direction. Eventually, if they are not careful, they reach a point of total self-absorption, where they are no longer even capable of viewing a situation from any point-of-view other than their own, or imagining how their words or actions might affect another.

I think that has a lot to do with how my mom got to be the way she is, and I really don't want to start down that path. However, I could never go back to being that people-pleasing juggler either. Instead, I am learning a new acrobatic skill - tightrope walking. I am trying to keep my balance on that fine line between selflessness and self-absorption. Believe me, it ain't easy.