GOOD TO BE BACK - I THINK

Just got back from San Antonio, and of course, the first thing I did was come in here to check my email. While I was working my way through 31 messages, I heard a crash from my kitchen. It sounded like something had knocked a soda can over in the sink. Know what I found when I went to check? A relative of that fellow in the photo! I know we're supposed to love all of God's creatures, but I'm sorry, I hate those suckers! One of them completely ruined our romantic anniversary getaway a while back, when it decided to join us in the hot tub, and another sprayed neon blue gut juice all over my porch and stucco walls when I sent him to centipede heaven with a hoe. This guy was so huge, I was afraid he'd manage to sting me right through a towel, so I grabbed my kitchen shears and snipped him right in half. Didn't slow him down a bit! Several minutes later, when both halves were still scurrying around the sink, the halves became quarters. When those too managed to keep on a-twitchin', I finally scooped them all up in a cup, filled it with water, and flushed the whole lot down the commode. Now I'm having visions of the sections somehow managing to reunite, working their way back up my pipes, and lying in wait for me under the rim of the toilet seat...

P.S. Many thanks to blogs.nib.gov.sg for the above image.