WHERE'S A BFFL.COM SERVICE WHEN YOU NEED IT?

I worry about my daughter sometimes, for I fear she is too much like me. Poor baby. Not only does she have to go through life with people constantly telling her she looks just like me, she also seems to have inherited one of my personality traits that I am not particularly proud of. I'm afraid we are both the-grass-is-always-greener kind of girls.

I suppose that's OK when it comes to houses, cities, gardens, etc. In fact, it comes in down-right handy if you're the type who has had to move frequently. Just when I was beginning to tire of a place, or the house was beginning to look worn and needed boring maintenance work done, we would get transferred in the nick of time. I was usually able to walk away with hardly a backward glance, giddy at the prospect of new places to explore, new houses to decorate, new gardens to create and new people to meet. Trouble is, I can shed friends almost as easily as I shed houses.

For a variety of reasons, I have failed to develop any strong, lasting friendships in most of the places we have lived. After the first few moves, and having to leave close friends like Paula and Tim behind, I tended to settle for a nice group of pals to hang out and socialize with, but I always kept them at arm's length. Part of it was self-protection I suppose, knowing we would leave before long, but when it comes right down to it, I'm just not a real "people person." Perhaps it's the writer in me. Oh, I love listening to them, observing them, and dissecting them. But, interacting with them for extended periods of time? Not so much.

I am too quick to judge, for one thing. People I am enamored with at first end up driving me crazy, and some who really rubbed me the wrong way turned out great. I make friends fairly quickly in each new town: I find a group I am crazy about and rave on about how perfectly wonderful they are, but it isn't long before I start to notice chinks in their armor. Little things start to irritate me, and I begin to pronounce judgement. This one always hogs the conversation, and no one else at the table can get a word in edgewise. That one is a control freak, and treats her family as if they were her puppets. Another one is way too high-maintenance, spending all her time shopping and undergoing "procedures." Still another never ponies up her fair share when we split the tab. In other words, I discover that they are only human, and I find that extremely irritating.

Not my hubby though. John is the exact opposite of me here - another good reason we balance so well. People think he is shy when they first meet him, but I think he is just busy observing, holding back, biding his time. Once he has deemed you worthy of friendship, though? You are his friend for LIFE! I'm trying to turn over a new leaf, now that I am settled in a spot where I have no escape plan in place. I want to be more like John, letting new friendships develop slowly and naturally. I hope to find people with a similar core of values, but I want also to learn to celebrate their differences and idiosyncrasies.

Perhaps I should model my friendships after our marriage. I believe that when two people with the exact same strengths and weaknesses unite, it is a recipe for disaster, for you will amplify one another's tendencies. You need a partner who shares your ethical beliefs and sense of morality, but who will cause you to stretch and grow in other areas. And you need to balance one another's extreme tendencies, pulling each more towards the center, so that you don't both fall over the edge into the Nut-Job Sea.

So, this time I am looking for friends with common sense and a social conscience, but who are each living their lives authentically, and who will force me to step out of my comfort zone periodically. I hope to become less judgmental, and learn to appreciate them for their uniqueness. I have the same hopes for my children, both in their friendships and in their relationships, wherever life may take them.