DESIGNER KIDS

A friend of mine absolutely adores reading about psychology and watching shows like Oprah and Dr. Phil. Although I tease her about it, she really does come up with some jewels of wisdom occasionally. One time we were talking about our kids, and why they weren't better about keeping their rooms clean, or why they put off doing homework until the last minute, etc. She told me that she once saw some expert (maybe Dr. Phil, I'm not sure) tell a group of parents to take out a piece of paper and list 10 or 15 character qualities they felt were most vital. When they had finished, he told them to circle the first 5 they wrote down. He then said "You see that circle? That is your child, isn't it? I bet those qualities describe him to a tee. Why? Because that is what you value most, that is where you put all your time and effort, and that is where you went out of your way to teach by example. Sure, having kids who never make messes and never procrastinate would be nice, but look at your list. See how far down those qualities are? How much time and effort did you spend on those qualities, and how often were you lax about them yourself?" Well, there you have it. By choosing what to stress and what to let slide, we more or less "designed" our kids!

Just last week, this lesson was brought home to me in a big way. I was in a parking lot, and walked around to the passenger side of my car to load some packages. Much to my dismay, I discovered a huge, long gouge dug into the side of the door. Of course, there was no way of knowing exactly when or where it happened, as I don't often use the passenger door. And, since the perpetrator hadn't bothered to leave their name or seek me out, repairs would be coming out of my own pocket. I suddenly flashed back to an incident when my son first got his driver's license. He had been at a friends house late one evening, and someone had parked their car directly behind the driveway. When he was trying to back out, he accidentally bumped it. The damage was almost imperceptible, it was late, dark, and not a soul was around. What did he do? Got out and wrote out a note of apology, including name and phone number, and stuck it under the windshield wiper. When the car owner called the following day, his first words were "Man, you sure have an honest kid!"

Guess what was number one on my list of desirable characteristics?