You can tell it's fall now, not by the weather, but by the fact that when I come out here on the porch each morning, I'm having to wait longer and longer before it's actually light enough to see the notebook in my hands and begin writing. That's OK with me though. While I am waiting, with nothing to see but the stars and nothing to hear but the creek and cicadas, it forces me to become very still. It's my Hill Country version of yogic meditation, I suppose.
Unfortunately, this morning my mind is drifting in very depressing directions. It was probably triggered by the TV incident last night. There was a new series starting that John wanted to see, and it's a good thing we got back from dinner a little early, because when he first tried to turn the TV on, he couldn't get a picture. I sat there watching as this gizmo guru had to juggle back and forth between several different remotes, try a zillion different button combinations, and go back and forth between all the different pieces of equipment, turning things on and off, on and off, before he finally hit on the right combination a good fifteen minutes later. I turned to him in panic and said "You absolutely cannot die before me. I forbid it! If you do, I will have to gather up everything electronic we own, dump it out in the front yard, and just stick a sign up that says 'Free For The Taking'."
Now I am sitting here, thinking about all the other responsibilities related to this four acres - the well, the septic system, the garden we have yet to put in, the porch rails that are already covered in mold, even though they were just painted recently, the porch floor and the asphalt driveway that both need to be resealed, the gravel section of the driveway that needs to be graded and topped up, the water catchment system that needs to be installed and maintained. The list goes on and on, and then it starts all over again in the blink of an eye. Could I take care of all this if something happened to John, and I was on my own? Would I even want to? Where else could I live that would be as inspiring, but less of a burden? There's not exactly a lot to choose from here in Wimberley, that's in town and affordable. Would I have to go somewhere else? Would the kids ever forgive me if I sold this place? Would the grandkids want to come visit if I lived in a boring place full of old folks? Hoo-wee! Mamma's got de blues.
Unfortunately, this morning my mind is drifting in very depressing directions. It was probably triggered by the TV incident last night. There was a new series starting that John wanted to see, and it's a good thing we got back from dinner a little early, because when he first tried to turn the TV on, he couldn't get a picture. I sat there watching as this gizmo guru had to juggle back and forth between several different remotes, try a zillion different button combinations, and go back and forth between all the different pieces of equipment, turning things on and off, on and off, before he finally hit on the right combination a good fifteen minutes later. I turned to him in panic and said "You absolutely cannot die before me. I forbid it! If you do, I will have to gather up everything electronic we own, dump it out in the front yard, and just stick a sign up that says 'Free For The Taking'."
Now I am sitting here, thinking about all the other responsibilities related to this four acres - the well, the septic system, the garden we have yet to put in, the porch rails that are already covered in mold, even though they were just painted recently, the porch floor and the asphalt driveway that both need to be resealed, the gravel section of the driveway that needs to be graded and topped up, the water catchment system that needs to be installed and maintained. The list goes on and on, and then it starts all over again in the blink of an eye. Could I take care of all this if something happened to John, and I was on my own? Would I even want to? Where else could I live that would be as inspiring, but less of a burden? There's not exactly a lot to choose from here in Wimberley, that's in town and affordable. Would I have to go somewhere else? Would the kids ever forgive me if I sold this place? Would the grandkids want to come visit if I lived in a boring place full of old folks? Hoo-wee! Mamma's got de blues.
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