Friday, July 17, 2009


Sometimes, I find myself wishing that I still got as excited, about going to Dallas, as I did when we were first married. I remember a time when I'd be bouncing in my seat by the time we turned onto Kenwood, the street where I grew up. I suppose this is the way God intended it, this gradual weaning of ourselves away from our parents and siblings over the decades. It probably helps to prepare us for what's to come: for seeing your parents fade and crumble right before your very eyes, along with your childhood home; for learning to step back from your family's troubles and woes, and allow them to live their lives however they see fit; for learning to lean on them less and less as we become more and more confident about knowing our own minds, and making our own way in the world. I suppose this is a very good thing, and that I should be quite grateful for it, right? Still, going home just ain't what it used to be!

* * *
Well, I was already in a bundle about this trip to Dallas. It sounds like Mom is really going downhill fast, and my sister who cares for her is teetering on the edge herself. We finally managed to wade through the swamp of bureaucracy that is the medicaid approval process, and got Mom okayed for assistance, but haven't yet found a facility that can take her. So, I knew that this weekend was going to be mostly about allowing sis to vent her frustrations, without having a clear-cut way to help her out of this mess.

I was quite relieved when John and Austin agreed to meet me in Dallas, thinking they'd lighten the atmosphere a bit. Then I remembered that where Austin goes, Guinness goes (the puppy, not the beer). That's usually a great thing, as far as I'm concerned, but maybe not in this situation, with Mom so tottery and trip-prone. She also has her nights and days turned around, and is likely to be wandering the house at all hours. Since Guinness, who will be sleeping with Austin in the living area, startles easily, she is liable to wake up the whole neighborhood with her barking, each time she hears Mom on the move!

Now, to top it all off, I just got an email from my hubby, saying, "I don't want to alarm you, but my blood pressure is running a bit high lately (translation: it must have gone through the roof, for him to even bring it up). I'm trying to get a call in to my cardiologist, but I doubt if I'll hear back from him before we leave for Dallas at noon." So, on top of everything else, I get to spend the weekend worrying that John is going to stroke out on me? Criminy!

P.S. That's a photo of Mom and little Lex, in happier times.

1 comment:

musingegret said...

Oh Beck, you really don't have a fun weekend planned do you? Drive carefully and try just to take each moment as it is (without worrying about the next.) I know...easy to say. You're a wonderful listener and that's prob'ly like gold for sis right now. Healing comes in a myriad of ways and means.

I'm wishing you a smooth process for finding the right assist for your mom. Sending you calm and strength.