INCOMMUNICADO

Incommunicado. Dontcha just love that word, the way it rolls off your tongue? I had an opportunity to practice the art of being incommunicado just this week, and I have to say, it has it's advantages. It wasn't by choice, mind you, but before it was over with, I was fairly certain that it would do us all good to just "Un-Plug" ourselves every now and again.

My episode started with our land line going kinda wonky. It would only ring once, then would cut itself off before I could answer it. If I happened to be sitting right next to it, and grabbed it real fast, there was so much static on the line that it was difficult to carry on a conversation. Since most of the calls we get on that line are either telemarketers or politicians, I finally gave up trying to answer it. In fact, I found myself with a smug grin on my face, each time it rang right at dinner time, knowing who was likely to be calling. Then my cell phone went wonky too.

I left it on the charger all night, but it went dead before day's end. "Hmm, I guess the charger wasn't plugged in properly. Better try again." Next day it died midway through my first call. Uh oh. Looks like I need a new battery. Sooo, I called Dear John to ask where the nearest Cingular store was. "Cingular! Are you kidding me? You've had that phone for that long? Jeez Beck! Cingular doesn't even exist anymore. Forget it. I'll bring you one of my old ones this weekend." Well, crap. I really, really hate having to learn a new phone. This one is sure to have a million bells and whistles that I will never use, and, if you recall, John and I don't get along too well when he tries to teach me how to use one of his new gizmos. If I had my way, I'd have one of those phones pictured above. My parents had one of those, and it never broke. Ev-er! In fact, it would probably still be working to this very day, if someone hadn't hauled it off to the landfill. "Oh, and Beck?", he continued. "In the meantime, guess you'd better call Verizon and get them to come out and fix the land-line."

Easier said than done. After at least ten minutes of talking to a computer, which kept trying to convince me to perform a bunch of tests myself, possibly avoiding the need for a technician (Isn't that what we pay that extra maintenance fee for, each and every month?), I finally got hold of a human. Unfortunately, we could only speak in short bursts between periods of static. At last she agreed to send a technician, but she wanted me to give her a phone number where they could reach me. "Well, you can have this one, but if you recall, it doesn't work so hot." "Don't you have another one you can give me?" "Nope." "Then how are we supposed to get in touch with you?" Well, you could try fixing my dang phone!

P.S. Many thanks to oldphoneman.com for the image above.