THINGS YOU NEVER IMAGINED SAYING...

Our son's Christmas stocking broke our brand new car.

Yesterday was a day full of mixed emotions. It was the day we were to go pick up my new car at the dealership in N. Austin, which is pretty exciting stuff, right? But it was also the day I was to say goodbye to my dear Little Zippy, the beloved friend who has put a smile on my face every day for the last 10 years/100,000 miles. She set the bar so high, I wasn't sure any old machine could meet the challenge.

Goodby Little Zippy!

The basket-o-crap cleared out of her, including a set of fuzzy antlers and big red nose she once wore during the holidays.

It was a beautiful, sunny day when we arrived. They drove the car off the showroom floor and parked it out front, to give me the rundown on all of its features (in one ear, out the other). Then we went in to fill out the paperwork. We were just about to sign on the very last dotted line when we heard it -- a torrent of rain beating down on the roof above us...and on my shiny new car! Who doesn't even make it off the parking lot, before getting their brand new car filthy dirty? And, apparently, that's the only place it rained, because five minutes down the road it was dry as a bone.

Since we were already in far north Austin, we decided to drop in on our son Austin and his wife. While there, I noticed his Christmas stocking sitting on a table. We keep them at our house, since that is where we usually celebrate, but last year he accidentally packed it up with all his gifts, and has been "meanin' to get it back to us" ever since. I grabbed it and tossed it into the "boot" of our new car, along with some stuff Hubby had bought at Costco that morning.

We started home, then noticed an alert on the dash telling us the hatchback was open. We pulled over and I got out to re-shut it, using a little more force this time. We took off, then the alert came on again. This time Hubby got out to deal with it, only to discover that he couldn't get the door open. At all! After trying over and over he finally gave up and headed home. When there, I tried it myself, but to no avail. Who doesn't even make it ten miles down the road from the dealership, before breaking their brand new car?

Hubby had to fold down the rear seats and crawl in back to retrieve his wine and groceries, and that's when he saw it. One corner of the stocking was stuck under the hatchback where it latches. He spent a good hour trying to pull, cut, tear and tease the bits of cloth away from the latch, but it still would not open. So he went inside to check the owner's manual, to see if there was a magic release button somewhere. No such luck. He did, however, find a warning to "make sure the area is clear before shutting the hatch, as it may jam." Now they tell us! I dread finding out how much this is gonna cost to fix, as I'm fairly certain "Christmas Stocking Damage" is not covered by our warranty!

Hello Big Zippy! (Please don't make me re-dub you The Demon Car.)

When I held up what was left of Austin's handmade-by-his-grandmother-from antique-lace-and-findings stocking, Hubby said "Guess you'll have to make him a new one, huh?" I thought for a minute, then grinned and said "Nope, we're keeping it. Just think of the great stories we can tell when the grandkids start wondering why we all get such pretty stockings, but poor Unkie Austin gets that crummy torn one!